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When Men Go “Missing in Action” while dating – Jonathon Aslay Dating Coach

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Have you ever had a man you’re dating just disappear on YOU?

Let’s say you’re in a relationship with a man, maybe it’s been about 3, 6, 9 months or longer. For the most part the relationship is grand. The initial chemistry was off the charts, the emotional connect you have with him is like nothing you’ve ever experienced.

You’ve really formed a bond with this man and he’s your best friend. He has said the “L” word and he’s even hinted at long term or marriage. He states you’re like nobody he has ever dated and he wants you in his life. He includes you in much of his daily activities and you feel pretty secure.  The early stages of dating him was pretty intense and now you’ve settled into a nice routine. When you think back to your last relationship and look at him, there’s no comparison. He’s just gotta be the one.

You’ve accepted him for where he’s at in his life and support him when he has problems. Sure he has some baggage, but heck so do you.

He might be dealing with an issue at work.  He might be dealing with his “ex” wife.  He might be having problems with his kids.  He might be struggling financially.

All of these issues are weighing on him and you look at him and say “baby, I’ve got your back.”

Because he’s going through all of this, you don’t dump your problems on him. You keep to yourself and keep the pressure to a minimum. You just want to be there for him because when the pressure is off, the relationship is great.  You’re the most loving and supporting partner. His problems are your problems, because that’s what partnership is all about. You’re the prefect girlfriend and he should be grateful he has you in his life. He’s so lucky to have you, because you accept him “warts and all.”  For the most part you’re really happy and you’re waiting for things to get a just little bit better.

Then all of a sudden a shift happens.

He’s not calling as much. He’s not returning text as fast as he use to. He’s been busy and doesn’t have as much time for you. You’re still intimately connected, but you know something is going on. You give him the benefit of the doubt, because he has so much on his plate, but something is just not right.

Then the worst thing happens, he goes M.I.A.

That’s right, he’s “missing in action.”

No contact, no text, no calls, no nothing… nada.  Since you know men need their cave time, you figure it’s ok. In fact, you’ve even encouraged him to take space when he needs it.

But now he’s literally disappeared.

You might be wondering… Did I do something wrong? Is he hurt? Has he meet someone else? Is he just not that into me anymore?

You’ve been nothing but kind, loving, supportive, generous, caring and communicative. The two of you are soul-mates, he’s your twin flame.. he knows it and you know it.  But he has fallen off the face of the earth.  How could he do this to me?

You keep texting him, but nothing happens. You make up reasons for him to contact you and still no response.

Then FINALLY he reaches out to you. What seemed like weeks was really only a few days, but nonetheless it felt like forever. He says he’s sorry and just needed a little space. He goes on & on about his stuff and apologizes for blowing you off. He says he didn’t want to bother you and he needs to take care of things. He tells you not to worry, all is good.

It’s all so confusing. He says “you’re the most honest, trustworthy, loving, giving, beautiful soul, he has ever known.” You’re not very demanding and you’re a really easy girlfriend.

Now that he is back in contact, you forgive him and figure all will be good.

After a few days or weeks, something still is just not right… he’s off. The relationship isn’t the way it use to be, you feel like he is taking you for granted. You are starting to feel more and more shut out.

You might be thinking…

Why isn’t he respecting my feelings?  Why is he now shutting me out? Why is it I’m bending for him?  Why is it that I’m the giver and get little in return?

This is a common occurrence, in fact all too common.  Before a relationship gets on really solid footing, there’s going to be some bumps and maybe even a few storms.  It’s natural for a man to pull back from time to time.  How you handle these set backs will make all the difference between a DRAMATIC END or the road to deeper intimacy.

Even in my own relationship, I did a major pull back.

Yes it’s true, even though I’m deliriously in love right now and can’t imagine my life without my beloved, I did pull away (actually, more than once).

My sweetheart knew just what to do when this happened.  She handled me in just the right way and I was drawn right back to her when I pulled away. As I think back to when this happened, as a coach I took notes of how she reacted and the way she approached me, which I can now share with YOU.

In fact, there are 3 Things You Can Do To Keep Him Close when this happens to YOU.  My girlfriend did this and it might work for you too.

I’ll give you a hint, men rarely ever leave for good when they are HAPPY.  So ask yourself this, are you really happy your relationship? Then ask yourself, is he really happy in this relationship? If the answer is yes, chances are it’s only a short term bolt by him and if you don’t freak out and chase him, he’ll be back in no time.

Contact Jonathon today for more dating advice: http://understandmennow.com/

 

June 6, 2013 |

Celia Ward Wallace talks about the Power of Sleep

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We all know that sleep is good for us, but like all other things that are “good” for us it

often finds a way of being a low priority. The cool thing about sleeping whether it is a

nap or going to bed at night is that it let’s your mind rest and hit the reset button.

Whenever we feel overwhelmed or stressed out, getting some sleep is one of the best

and easiest tools we have to de-clutter our mind. Usually when we wake up we feel

lighter, refreshed and energized and often have a shift in perspective. Often sleeping is

where we have some of greatest creative inspirations, waking up full of excitement

about a new idea which came forth because of the space made in the mind by going to

sleep. One of my favorite tools to use when I have a decision to make and my mind

feels too full, is before I go to bed, ask myself “what should I do about this situation?”

and then go to bed. Many times, when I wake up I have SO much more clarity and know

exactly what to do. Another thing to keep in mind is that we just HAVE TO get more than

6 hours a night! Figure out what time you have to get up and then work your way

backwards from that and give your a drop-dead time that you need to be in bed. For me

I know I need at 7 hours a night of sleep. Come rain or shine I have to be up at 6am

with my daughters, so I working backwards I know that means I must be in bed by

11pm. I usually start my bed-time rituals around 10pm and then get my BUTT in bed. I

know the power of sleep and I am not going to take for granted this FREE and easy

tools for my happiness, and you should not either! Oh, and P.S. lack of sleep is linked to

heart disease, stroke, diabetes, arthritis, and premature aging. Getting sick will just add

stress and mind-clutter so take action NOW!

 

Be sure to visit Celia’s INSPIRING site and don’t forget to sign up for her AWESOME tips & tools by joining her newsletter at: www.CeliaWardWallace.com

To become a Certified Life Coach with Celia, go to: https://lg114.infusionsoft.com/app/page/introtocoachingwebinar.

 

June 3, 2013 |

Business Coach Odette Peek Laurie discusses what you stand for.

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What do you stand for?

Why do you do what you do? What’s your purpose?

This was the question that got me thinking about what I really wanted to create for my life and for my business. (Thank you Matthew Goldfarb of Corporate Renegade. I attended his seminar “What do you Stand For?” in Orlando, Florida.)

Taking a stand means doing whatever you need to do to make something happen. Being an advocate. It means ‘Owning’ who you are and shouting it out to the world without giving a F*$% what other people think. (Think Lady Gaga).

That is passion. That is your purpose and that is the reason why you do what you do. It’s about scratching your own itch.

It’s also about Money. Money is the root of all that is good and many of you feel ashamed about what money means to you, so you dummy it down. I know I used to as well.

Here’s the thing about money: Money changes the world, wealthy people change the world, and poor people do not.

Even Mother Theresa used money to change the world. She knew how to ask for the money from the people that had it, so that she could go out and change the lives of millions of people. Using other people’s money is a very crafty way of getting what you want and she was amazing at it.

So are you amazing at what you do? I know you want to change the world, but you can’t until you change your world first. Then you have to be amazing at it.

How you become amazing at what you do is really quite simple. It comes from knowing a whole bunch of things and ‘owning’ them. ‘Owning’ it means you embody your rules, your values, your beliefs. It is the foundation of who you are.

To know what you stand for you need to know:

  • · Who you are and what you want to be
  • · your personal core values
  • · your business core values
  • · your purpose
  • · your manifesto
  • · your big picture
  • · who your audience is
  • · your reference points
  • · what your itch is…

I am taking a stand for you to take a stand for others. Be willing to crack a few eggs in the process (thanks Larry Winget). Contact Odette today at www.businesswomenontop.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 30, 2013 |

Business Hypnotherapist Jenn August moves a man from homeless to hopeful

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I was driving out of a very high end mall in Westlake Village, California after running errands, when a very sweet-faced man was standing at the mall exit with a sign that says “I’m homeless I need work.”

He had his last pay stubs stapled onto his sign. Because of the malls heavy traffic, it took me several minutes to inch my way to the exit where he was standing.

I had set this day aside to focus on preparing for Unlock Your Success Code & Thrive, my two day event in September 2013. I had my whole day planned out, but sometimes life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. I was taken over by a giant burst of inspiration as I rolled down my window and looked him right in the eyes. What came out of my mouth was “Meet me at BJ’s restaurant for lunch.” I made a U-Turn right back into the mall, as he grabbed his back-pack and started walking toward the restaurant.

Part of me was thinking: “What are you doing Jenn?” and the other part of me that was clearly being guided and said: “Just stay present and you will know how to serve this person.”

homeless in LA

When I am not picking up strange men off the street corner, I am a Money Magnetism Mentor & Business Hypnotherapist. I help heart-based coaches, consultants, speakers and holistic practitioners clear their blocks to creating financially successful and emotionally & spiritually satisfying businesses.

While I was standing in the door way of the restaurant, he rode up on his bike with a blue and black flannel shirt he smiled and said “I thought I totally missed you, glad you’re still here.” I smiled and said “Let’s get started.” It was like we had an appointment set up. Right away, I asked him what he thought was stopping him from making the money to support himself right now.

He said he lost his job and his license but really wanted to start his plumbing business. He explained to me why it’s impossible for him to run his plumbing business since he has no license. I asked him how much he could make per hour doing his plumbing business. He said $60. I could feel an idea brewing for him but it was not fully formed yet.

He was so earnest in his desire to work and so in touch with what had been stopping him. The most exciting part was how ready he was for a big change in his life!

As a Business hypnotherapist, I have discovered this is the most powerful place I can help someone from. When they refuse to go back to the way things were, even though they don’t know how to change them.

I help my clients change their old mindset, which was created by other people’s limitations and beliefs, to create a success mindset so they can attract all they need to succeed . Then, I offer new methods with concrete steps to take to get results. When the mind and methods are aligned, any goal is possible and much easier to attain.

He also told me that he has been sober since last month. I smiled at him feeling very proud and really validated what a good choice he has made. He had burned all the bridges with his family and was no longer welcome in their homes. I imagined it had been a long time since someone had validated him.

It was amazing to sit down and talk to him. I could see the part of him that loved himself and was fighting to create a good life and also the part of him that hated himself and thought he was worthless.

I pulled my computer out and we started looking on Craigslist for manual labor kind of jobs. We “strategized” about ways that he can make money right away.

The beautiful thing was that he was really resistant to doing anything but really wanted to do something, which was start his plumbing business. He told me his dad discouraged him his whole life from starting his own business. He told him he wasn’t smart enough to have his own business and always bullied him into getting jobs.

What was pulling him through this homelessness was the deep desire to do something that he love. He had the equipment. He had the training. He didn’t have the license, so I came up with ways that he could partner with people that could drive him and assist him in his work. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. He immediately had a really good person in mind to partner with. I love helping people to reach their aha’s and see possibilities that they didn’t know were there before. A doorway appears where there was once a wall.

I made him promise me two things. The first thing I asked him to do was “don’t let your mind beat you up, the negative thoughts are not you, they are programming from your dad. All the negative things that you learned about yourself are not true.” Underneath the programming is the truth of him: a good person who was told bad things about himself.

And then, I made him promise me to speak nicely to himself. I told him that there’s an inner child inside of him that was wounded and not treated well. If he speaks kindly to himself, he will end the cycle of self judgment and self abuse. I let him know this is a muscle and that he has to keep kicking the negativity out of his mind over and over and over again until the mind resets.

He agreed to those two things and through our conversation, I kept stopping and asking him “what are the two things I’m asking you to do for me?”He would search to his mental files diligently to find those two things. I asked him the same question several times in our conversion so he would access them faster and faster until such time that he actually said them without me even asking for them.

It was beautiful to watch him go from desperation to relief, gratitude and then determination.

He smiled and said “I am so grateful there are shelters to stay and food to eat at different organizations.”

The next thing he said made my heart swell with joy and excitement for him. He said…

“All of this happens for a reason so I could open up my plumbing business and put 100% of myself into it instead of working for other people.” And through the process you took me through, I went from victim to victor!”

He owned his creation and planned on taking this opportunity to thrive.

I have no doubt that he will. The next time I drove into that mall, he was not there with his sign…he is making his business happen.

This experience was powerful and beautiful for both of us.

When you allow someone to help you, it’s a gift to them too!  See more of Jenn August on the following Youtube video:

http://youtu.be/1v7WLGrbHjQ

In joyful service,

Jenn

Jenn August C.H.,C.L.S.C. Business Hypnotherapist Success Coach

 

May 23, 2013 |

Dating Coach Jonathon Aslay on why you should put a man in friend zone first

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When I think of relationship success, I think every woman who is dating should consider putting men into the friend zone first. All too often, early relationship success is measured on whether or not there is intense chemistry. However, when you think of the happiest couples, most cite friendship as the number one reason for their joy & success.

So why aren’t more women putting men in the friend zone first?

So let me explain what I mean. I was thinking of my Facebook friend Dr. Pat Allen who says “friendship ceases after the first lay.” Does that mean once you have sex, there is no friendship? What I think she means is that if you have sex before building a foundation of friendship first, your foundation is built on the weakest link being chemistry. Chemistry in the early stages of dating is often brain chemicals running amok. Chemicals like testosterone, dopamine or even oxytocin are the contributing factor to a feel good connection when we meet someone new. When these chemicals wear off, what we are left with when no friendship has been developed is a whole lot of nothing. If there is physical attraction for one another, spending time in the friend zone getting to know each other to determine mutual likes and compatible might serve you better than jumping into bed with someone you hardly know.

When a client comes to me frustrated over a guy she’s been dating reaches a standstill or is even going backwards, one of my first few questions are “are you good friends, how’s the friendship?” In addition, “could you see yourself married to this man for 35 plus years?” If the first answer is “no” and the follow-up is “no” my response is “why do you want this man?” Well we have chemistry and great sex.

Here’s my take: fleeting chemistry and occasional sex rarely turns into long lasting relationship. If you haven’t developed a good solid friendship, there’s no glue to hold the relationship together when bumps and storms hit. And let me say, every relationship is going to have problems and often it’s the friendship that holds it together, not great chemistry. Friendship and partnership is what endures a lifetime.

Most happy couples I’ve interviewed stated a strong friendship that attracted them in and keeps the relationship alive and kicking. So by considering a new potential partner as a friend first (hence putting him the friend zone) and developing that along with the romance, the chances for relationship success is much greater.

So here’s a question, if a man truly wants a long term relationship, why isn’t he working on friendship first?

Contact Jonathon at http://understandmennow.com for more information.

 

 

May 1, 2013 |

‘Business hypnotherapist’ Jenn August interview with the Mercury News

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Look into my eyes. You are getting very, very sleepy.

 

But don’t go under just yet. Or you’ll miss reading about self-described “business hypnotherapist” Jenn August and her campaign to unblock the inner-businessman and -woman inside us all, clearing one cluttered subconscious mind after another.

 

The way the Pinole-based career coach sees it, what’s stopping a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners from succeeding is not the recession or the competition or a lousy marketing strategy. What’s really holding them back, she says, is themselves. More precisely, it’s that “movie in their mind,” first forged by some emotional catalyst during childhood, that erodes self-confidence and in the process hampers their bottom line.

 

Through low-cost public workshops and private individual sessions that start at $400 an hour, often conducted by phone with what she calls “solopreneurs” like portrait photographers and nutritionists, August eases clients into a relaxed state and then prods them to identify and disarm the psychic booby traps set up in childhood.

 

From recent interviews with August, here are her comments, edited for length and clarity:

 

Q: How did you ever get into this unusual line of work?

 

A: Growing up in Southern California, I’d always wanted to be an entrepreneur. But after working in graphic design and leading my own band as a singer-songwriter,

 

I realized there was this big part of me that wanted to help and serve people. But there was also this other part filled with negativity, fear and self-judgment, partly because I’d grown up in a household with a lot of emotional tension. I began to notice that those negative things were stopping me from being successful in what I did.

 

My whole life shifted when I met a hypnotherapist at a friend’s book signing. He said, “I help people edit the movie in their mind so that it has a happy ending.” I knew there was something inside that was really blocking me. So in 2005 I ended up doing five sessions with him and I believe hypnotherapy, along with music, saved my life.

 

Q: Weren’t you a bit skeptical of hypnosis at first?

 

A: Sure. I didn’t want to cluck like a chicken or have someone control me, which is what many people think about hypnosis. But in reality, you’ll never do anything while you’re hypnotized that’s outside your value system.

 

I had my own graphic-design business at the time, but I wasn’t making much money and wasn’t feeling really good about myself. As I gradually gained more self-confidence through the sessions, I started getting more clients and tripled my income in a short time. I thought this was such a gift I’d been handed, and I wanted to help other people in business overcome their obstacles, too.

 

Q: So you got training to do hypnotherapy?

 

A: I did a lot of research. At the time, hypnotherapy was mostly used for things like helping people lose weight or stop smoking. There was no business application for it. So I trained at the International Spiritual Hypnotherapy Institute in Berkeley and learned the skills necessary to get someone into that relaxed state where they can start to explore the fears that are holding them back. I started my own business in 2006 and quickly built up a successful practice, helping 30 clients in the first two years.

 

Q: So how do you help these “solopreneurs” achieve success?

 

A: Eighty percent of what we do is controlled by our subconscious. It’s our operating system, the hard drive inside us. We all have experiences when we’re young and they sometimes give us the message that it’s not safe to be who we really are and that we need to hold back. Some people are afraid to network, for example, or to do follow-up calls to potential clients, because something’s restraining them. I work with people to try to clear this huge block.

 

Q: Can you give us an example of someone you helped?

 

A: I worked with a photographer who did family portraits. She was really stressed because she was working so hard but not making much money. And she wasn’t spending time with her family like she wanted to. So I worked with her on increasing positive feelings about herself and her work and she started to change over time.

 

I talked her into a relaxed state, which is where my training comes in. I invited her to relax her body, her arms, close her eyes. The art of hypnosis is relaxing someone to the point where you bypass their conscious mind so they’re able to get into their subconscious where everything that’s ever happened to you is recorded. I try and then take them back to that first time where they ever felt the fear or the hesitation or the emotional confusion.

 

Q: And something clicks inside people?

 

A: Yes. Say a client for some reason is not making follow-up calls after a networking event and then feeling guilty about it. I had one client like that who’d meet people but then not call them. She was beating herself up over it, feeling she must have some fear of being successful.

 

I put her into that relaxed state and then I said, “When I snap my fingers you’ll be back to that first time you ever felt fear of success. Go! Where are you?” She said, “In my parents’ house; I’m 10 years old.” You can see it like a movie. And then we found that exact place where the imprint was: Her father was very successful but was never at home. So she grew up associating success with abandoning family.

 

Her subconscious mind was protecting her, in a way, from abandoning her own family. We were able to close the loop and literally bring that little-child part of her into present time to meet her adult self, so that she was no longer scared. She learned that she could have both her family time and a successful business. She was able to double her sales and also spend more time with her family. Instead of one-on-one meetings, for example, she started to meet with groups. It worked.

 

Ready to try it yourself…Contact Jenn August at http://jennaugust.com/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

April 22, 2013 |

Why An Honest Man Can Be A Bad Bet

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Trust

Such an empowering word and it means so much to a woman.

As a coach who has interviewed thousands of women, I can say TRUST is how a woman truly opens her heart.

Trust begins with honesty and honesty builds trust.

Honesty is the foundation of integrity. Honesty leads to deeper intimacy. Honesty IS the best policy.

But when can honesty be a bad bet when seeking love?

As your guy spy into the male mind, I want to share some ‘man speak’.

What’s ‘man speak’ Jonathon?

Man speak is the inside language we men talk about when you’re not around. Man speak is what we say in the men’s locker room. Man speak is the little code only we men know about. Man speak is what every woman wants and needs to learn. So as your man speak translator, I want to share something we men talk about behind closed doors.

Imagine the following: You’ve met an amazing man and you’ve been dating for a few months. He’s kind. He’s courteous. He’s attractive. He’s into You. And the sex is off the charts.

You feel a real connection with him.

Here’s the thing, when you first began dating he said something like this: “I’m not looking for a  relationship right now.”

You didn’t make much of it because you might have said to yourself “I’m not sure about him yet anyway.”

So now the relationship is going little deeper.  The sex is becoming more regular. The emotional connection seems stronger. The doors to the exclusivity have begun to crack open. All the making for a serious relationship. He hasn’t done anything which creates mistrust. Since trust allows you to go deeper emotionally, you’re really beginning to open your heart.

There’s only one problem. What’s that Jonathon?

Ok, we said it’s been around 3 months. You share some activities together. He comes over to your place for dinners. He occasionally takes you out for drinks or a movie. The relationship is light and without pressure. He doesn’t get much into your personal life. He doesn’t share too much of his own. The sex is really amazing and you feel deeply connected.

You take a chance and ask “where’s this relationship going?”

All of a sudden his behavior changes.

He responds with a vague answer. He begins to call less. His text messages become more sporadic. He shifts his regular pattern.

Do you want to know what’s really going on?

As your heart protector. As your guy spy into the male mind. As your man speak translator.

Here’s what he really means. Now I hope you’re sitting down, cuz this might hurt a little.

When a man says:

I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

Translation:

I want to see you, I want to have sex with you and I want to keep my options open (should my princess walk into my life).

That’s right friends, I know it sucks.

And here’s the thing.

Because we told you up front we’re not interesting in a relationship right now, we men feel we are being totally honest and in total integrity with you. We might even be subtly reminding you of our impending escape.

Therefore…

We have no problem investing emotional connection. We have no problem having regular sex. We have no problem knowing we will leave. So long as we are being honest, how you feel doesn’t really matter.

It’s kinda bull shit I know, but it’s the truth.

Look friends, I was no angel when I first began dating after my divorce. So this comes from knowing men and even my own behavior.

Now that I’m totally in love. Now that I’m a professional dating & relationship coach. Now that I know the importance of real integrity, I’m here to help.

The reason why I became your heart protector. The reason why I love being your guy spy. The reason why I now teach man speak.

Truth is, I hurt someone, it was wrong and I woke up.

So here’s 3 things to remember before you give your heart.

1st) Ask yourself if he’s relationship ready? Is he going through a divorce, did he just break up with a long term g/f, did he just change jobs or worse, lose his job.

2nd) Does he include you into his life and vice versa? Does he take interest in you personal life, the good the bad the ugly and does he share his own stuff too.

3rd) Does he talk about a we or is it all about him? If he sees his life as a “me” and not a “we” you might be in for a rough road or worse a path to heartbreak.

Just remember these men feel they’re being honest because …

They told you right from the get go. They believe you know the score. They believe there’s even exchange. In essence they believe they’re absolutely honest and guess what, they are honest.

So the next time you hear:

I’m not looking for a relationship right now.

Ask yourself, is he worth the gamble?

Lastly, if a guy knows you’re falling for him and he doesn’t state his intentions, he’s out of integrity.

Jonathon Aslay assists women in finding that seemingly elusive man with whom they can have both compatibility and passion.  You can reach him at http://understandmennow.com/

 

 

April 22, 2013 |